Xi Salt

Every bag has dozens of coupons for all your everyday items! You save money every time you buy! And with that pink slip in the bag too, you are going to need those savings ;)

One happy customer writes, “Tanks so much for making this one! It’s a Party in a bag! Last time I poured a bowl, Ten Men squared around it like a Great Wall. It absolutely CRUSHED their freedom to choose anything else!”

CAUTION: When opening bag, don’t breathe the air. Beijing-a!

Vladimir Poutine- A veritable gulag of rich oily gravy flavors. It would be an international Crimea to not invade this bag! They will disappear as fast as a journalist in Red Square!

Not to be drunk with hot tea... seriously, you might just want to keep a Geiger counter on you at all times.

Kim-Jong Onion- The short fat bag with the ballistic taste!

Down and Duterte- the little yam chip with a hint of Manila.

Trump Tater Totdlers- look for the big, fat, no-so-bright orange bag, you can’t look and Nazi it! It’s the right supremicist!

Don’t be a pussy! Grab ‘em by the bag!

Goes so well with Vladimir Poutine Chips, it’s a Collusion of flavor!

Made with yellow peas and Russian un-dressing to give you that Nothing Burger flavor. Try it and you’ll con-collude that Trump Tater Totdlers win BIGLY. -verified by the Electoral College

Islamic Steak Fries- once you’ve had these you’ll be-heading back to the store for more!

Faux News- Bright-tart flavor that declares an InfoWar on your tastebuds, and, well your sense to taste anything... and your ability to think... and your morals...

Great health food- doctors and journalists that say these chips are loaded with trans fats are lying, we have our own alternative fat-checkers who have PROVEN those elites are lying!!! You loyal customers know that we hate everything trans!

Orbananas- A crazy taste of old Europe (like about 1937) that will leave you Hungary for more!

Nick-a-louse Manuro: Great for dieters! If the smell doesn’t drive you away, it doesn’t matter because they have zero calories! (Seriously, you may want to eat something before eating these).

I-rant- a secret blend of Middle Eastern spices vying to control your middle region. Try them and you’ll become a religious follower. To the converted former doubters, I can only say, “Ayatollah-so!”

More ham and Been Salami- Others may put Saud-dust in their meat-flavored chips, but as any journalist alive will tell you, we only use real meat. Just take one look at our bone saw and there will be no dissent that it gets a lot of use!

Buy the whole Oily-garchy!

Turkey tip: Try encrusting your bird with Dick’s Tater Chips before roasting it. It’s easy... only the top 0.1% isn’t crushed, so just set those aside on a pedestal and dump the rest on the bird, or the stuffing, or the floor. It really doesn’t matter what you do to those lower 99.9%.

Click here to vote for your favorite one! (Votes don’t actually count. We’ve already decided the winner... it’s certainly not you.)

Soon to be released:

AFD- Alternative for Delicious: A blitzkrieg of flavor!

Marine La Panic- There are salty chips and ruffled chips, but there’s no chip like French chip!

Know Jail Forage- Not just for Brexit anymore, add it to your last meal... the very last one.